A Step Too Far
by LostinalittleWonderland
Summary: After a stress filled day at the PRU and another load of arguments with Tom, Nicki can't cope much longer.
1. Chapter 1

The bell went for the end of final period, the argument Nicki had earlier with Tom was still racing through her mind as Nicki dismissed her class. Scout saw the change in her teacher's demeanour; they had agreed on a cease fire weeks before and Scout was growing rather attached to Miss Boston, even after everything that had happened. She didn't like seeing her as anything but the quick witted, egotistic ex-army woman she was. As everyone else had just got out the class as quickly as possible in case Boston changed her mind and kept them back for another hour to do circuit training, Scout stayed behind packing her bag slowly waiting for everyone to leave. She walked towards Nicki's desk. Nicki sat with her head in her hands elbows resting on the desk staring at the wood, as if it was going to give her an answer to all her problems while she waited for her students to leave. She felt someone watching her and looked up, finding the one person she never expected to stay behind watching her from in front of her desk. 'Jodie, what's wrong?' Scout switched her weight from foot to foot trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for why she had stayed behind. 'Seriously miss please call me Scout, everyone else does…I was wondering…are you okay? You seem…a little…not yourself today' Scout quickly looked down at her shoes finding them really interesting all of a sudden. 'Thanks for thinking about me J…Scout, but I'll be fine just need some rest, not feeling to well today' 'As long as you haven't gave it to us Miss' Scout let out a small laugh making Nicki laugh too. 'Don't worry it's nothing that can be passed on Scout, now off you go before Maggie wonders where you are' Scout smiled at her before turning around and walking out the PRU, as she was walking down the stairs she saw Tom walking down the corridor, 'Mr Clarkson!' she yelled and started running down the stairs 'Mr Clarkson, wait up' Tom slowed down hearing his name being shouted and turned around. 'Scout what's wrong? Has something happened? Is Miss Boston causing you trouble again?' Scout looked at him in shock, 'No, Boston has been fine with me since Barry admitted to the robberies' she looked down; him and Miss Boston had been great friends when they were back in Rochdale. What was going on between them? Should she tell him, he may make things worse if Miss Boston really was as low as she seemed. 'It's…You know what Sir, it doesn't matter I better make my way back to the school house.' Scout went to turn around and walk down the corridors that would lead her to the exit, but she really had a bad feeling about Miss Boston. 'Mr Clarkson, ease up on Boston. She's alright you know, she's just in need of a friend' Tom looked at Scout, this was the first wise thing he'd heard from her since moving to Greenock, maybe she was right maybe Nicki was just in need of a friend. Scout smiled at him and walked off. Tom headed up the stairs that Scout had just ran down and walked towards the PRU, he looked through the small window on the door, and all the lights were out. He tried the door, it was locked. Obviously Nicki had gone home for the night. He walked back to his room in the English block, packing up his things he decided once he'd had a shower and changed out of his work clothes he'd go and see Nicki. Nicki had written down her address on a small piece of paper and passed it to him when she first got to Greenock.

As soon as Scout had left the room Nicki let the tears flow, Tom was her closest and only friend and this is what they had become. She crossed her arms on the desk and lowered her head into them sobbing. She wished she knew why he hated her so much since she moved here, surely the friendship they had in Rochdale meant something to him, or was she just someone to talk to when he was sick of listening to the other members of staff and now as they were surrounded by new people she didn't matter. Nicki could hear Scout in the corridor shouting Tom, she couldn't deal with speaking to him now she quickly got up stuffing her things into her bag checked she hadn't left anything and walked to the door, switching off the lights and locking the door on her way out. She quickly walked down the corridor leading away from the stairs her student had just walked down she knew a back way out. As pointed out by Bolton _nothing screwed down went walkies _so Nicki always kept everything with her where she went so there was no need to head to the staff room. Nicki found the back stair case that barely anyone realised were there and started to quickly walk down them, coming out at reception she just walked out the door. She still hadn't had a chance to get a new car yet so she started to walk towards the gate and turned right to start her 45 minute walk back to her home. She really needed to get a car; although she had nothing against keeping healthy she went jogging every morning. It's just when you're in need of a quick getaway walking at a normal pace really isn't helpful.

As soon as she got home she walked straight to the fridge getting out a beer, shaking off her coat and collapsing onto the sofa she needed a drink. Swigging back the beer, she knew it wouldn't last long the mood she was in. She turned on her stereo hearing some strange music coming through the radio; she pressed the button on the remote that would change it to the CD player. Evanescence started playing through the speakers.


	2. Chapter 2

Nicki sat up in her bathroom, staring blankly down at the silver old fashioned razor that she had kept since she was a young teenager; she'd inherited it with some other things of her fathers. Not that she wanted any of it, that man disgusted her and it made her sick to call him her father. Nicki had drank two bottle of beer from the fridge, but she knew she was no were near drunk not even slightly tipsy. She just still felt lost, and alone. Tom's arguments from today had really hit her hard the words still going around in her head making everything feel like it was spinning. This was enough to make her bring the shining silver blade to her arm. She knew cutting the wrist would be too simple and would cause many questions if her shirt sleeves ridden up during working hours, so she lowered the metal and unbuttoned her shirt removing one arm, so that the upper part of her arm was bared. She just needed to feel pain, something to make her balance back with the world again. Something to make the words stop. She felt around the floor for the sharp razor and found it not too far away from her foot. She picked up the razor and lifted it back to her pale porcelain skin. Just as her shaking hand was about to make the first mark, she heard a knock on her front door. Growling Nicki placed the razor back in the cabinet, hastily shrugged on her shirt, and quickly buttoned it.

Racing down the stairs, and jumping of the third step down. Nicki walked calmly to the front door, she looked through the glass and could make the outline of a man. She looked at the clock hanging in her hallway, who would be calling at 10:30pm, Nicki walked towards the door checking to make sure the bat she kept in case needed was still within reaching distance of the door. She looked through the small glass peep hole in the door, her shoulders visibly dropped. _You have to be kidding me, _she slowly opened the door looking at Tom she grimaced open the door wider and walked back into her living room. Tom followed seeing this as an invitation to come into her home. Nicki sat slouched on the sofa, feet resting on the coffee table staring at her hands. She looked so small and lost.

Tom walked over to the sofa and sat next to her but not too close, Nicki didn't even look up from her hands. 'Nicki look I'm sorry. I've been tough on you the past few days, and it really isn't your fault. All those things I said, they were wrong, and I really didn't mean any of it. I was just frustrated because Josh rang me and he said that he missed a payment on his rent and he had spent all of his pay cheque on going out with work colleagues and I had to send a payment through to him to put him over till his next cheque.' Tom knew he was gushing all this out and some of it probably wasn't going to make sense but he wanted her to understand. No he needed her to understand.

Nicki turned her head to the side slightly and looked at him out the corner of her eye. 'Tom, you're babbling.' She couldn't help smiling slightly at him; Tom smiled back at her hoping that this was all fixed. 'Sorry.' Nicki shook her head 'it's okay Tom. Just forget about it all.' Tom let out a sigh of relief, if everything was fine though what was wrong with Nicki she still looked miserable. 'Well.' Tom bumped Nicki's shoulder with his, 'What's wrong then?' Tom smiled at Nicki. She smiled back at him but the smile didn't quiet reach her eyes. 'It's nothing really.'

Tom could tell that Nicki was lying but didn't want to push her, he knew what would happen if he pushed her. She would put her walls up and that would be it, he would be out the door before he even knew what was happening. Tom turned to Nicki, 'Mind if I quickly use your toilet. We can continue talking after that.' Nicki looked at him not all convinced about the _continue talking _when he came down would happen because she didn't want it to. 'Yeah sure, top of the stairs.' Once again the smile she gave Tom when she looked up at him, never reached her eyes.

What Nicki didn't know was when she placed the old razor in the cupboard; it had slid out and fell to the floor by the sink. Tom walked into the bathroom and when he pulled the rope to switch on the light, the first thing he saw was the razor glinting on the floor. Tom walked straight over to it and picked it up. Why? Why was this here? Tom walked down the stairs into the living room where Nicki now sat watching television. Nicki heard him coming in and turned the television onto mute, she turned towards him and her mouth opened in shock when she saw what he held in his hand.

'Nicki, why was this on the floor in the bathroom. It seemed slightly out of place, considering everything else is spotless.' Tom looked her straight in the eyes. He could tell she was about to lie to him, he could see the cogs turning in her head. He could see her just trying to think of an excuse good enough. 'I…I…just' she bowed her head she didn't know what to say. She didn't want to be honest with him, because he wouldn't understand. 'Nicki, the truth.' Tom gave her the stern look he gave misbehaving students, the look he had given her when they fought before. Nicki couldn't help it she backed away from him and tears welled up in her eyes, she didn't like him being angry at her and she just couldn't take this any longer. She ran at Tom grabbing the razor out of his hand, she ran straight up the stairs and into the bathroom where she turned the steal lock. She could hear Tom on the other side banging on the door demanding she opened it, begging her to open it.


	3. Chapter 3

Nicki curled up leaning against the glass wall of the shower door. Tom's banging was getting more persistent and Nicki couldn't cope with it, she needed a way out. She reached up and pulled open the sliding door of the shower, standing up slowly and reaching her hand in she twirled the knob so that the water came flooding down, blocking any noise from outside the door. Closing the glass door shut again Nicki slid back down it; she lifted the shirt up and looked down at the one part of her body that was scar free. Nicki slowly raised the razor to the white porcelain skin of her stomach; she could still hear Tom banging on the other side of the bathroom door. She pressed down on the razor dragging it across her skin, making lines of red contrast with the snow white of her skin.

Relief flooded through Nicki's body as the pain overruled her emotions and made her finally feel numb. After making several bloody marks across her stomach Nicki let herself relax, she then realised she could hear heavier banging against the door, as if Tom was trying to break in. Nicki gave up her body was tired and emotionally she was drained she let the blackness consume her just as Tom managed to kick the door in.

**3 hours later**

Nicki felt herself coming around, she felt groggy but comfortable. She went to shift slightly and felt a sharp twinge in her stomach and it all came flooding back to her. She remembered being in her bathroom slicing open her stomach relieving the problems of the past week, then Tom bursting through the bathroom door. Nicki started to try and open her eyes but they felt too heavy and she felt so tired. Her body was once again consumed by tiredness.

**1 hour later**

Nicki once again felt herself coming around, this time she was able to open her eyes. With a groan, she looked around the room. She realised that she was in her own room at home; she turned slightly to the left where Tom sat silently dosing on a cushioned rocking chair an open copy of Jane Eyre on his knee about to slide off and fall to the floor. Nicki recognised the copy as her own battered one from on her bedside table. She gently lifted the covers of her to see the damaged she had done to her own body. She looked down and noticed that she had clean bandages wrapped around her stomach.

Tom must have cleaned her wounds, bandaged her up and tucked her into bed and dosed off waiting for her to wake up. Nicki glanced over at Tom; he was still sleeping and looked so peaceful. She smiled watching him sleep, he was really caring. She wished that he felt the same way as her, then everything would be great.

**A/N. Sorry that this chapter is only small, had a rather stress filled week.**


	4. Chapter 4

When Nicki next woke up it was the next day, it was 6 am to be precise and Tom was nowhere in sight. Nicki looked down at the bed sheets feeling lost, maybe Tom realized how broken she is and doesn't want anything to do with her now. Nicki slowly got up from the bed and made her way to the bathroom, she got a quick wash avoiding the neatly wrapped bandages as much as possible, and the pain emanating from them was ridiculous. Nicki dressed in lose baggy clothes as it was the weekend and she didn't need to look smart for another two days which Nicki was very grateful for cause even the slightest touch of the baggy clothes touching the bandage hurt. Nicki slowly walked down the stairs trying not to jar it too much, Nicki sniffed the air she could smell something cooking, which confused her, she was sure she was the only one left in the house. Nicki walked into the kitchen slowly looking around she saw Tom standing by the cooker frying some eggs. Nicki was shocked that Tom was still here, she walked further into the kitchen slowly watching Tom. 'What are you doing?' Nicki asked walking up to the cooker 'Making breakfast' Tom replied, he seemed quite unlike himself if Nicki didn't remember yesterday well then she would have asked him why. Although she didn't understand why Tom would seem, down. It wasn't like she was more than a friend to him, friends don't do…well this. Nicki leant against the kitchen counter looking over at the cooker to see what was being cooked, she saw Tom was frying a couple of eggs and rashes of bacon in a pan, baked beans were placed slowly simmering on the hob and there was already hash browns and toast placed on two plates to the side, mushrooms were chopped and placed by the frying pan. Nicki felt her stomach growl; she looked down at it embarrassed.

Tom looked round at Nicki and for the first time that day smiled at Nicki, Nicki looked up blushing 'I'm…I'm sorry I…I haven't been eating very much recently…and…and the smell…' Tom stopped Nicki quickly before she could say anything else laughing slightly 'No Nicki it's okay honestly.' Tom turned back towards the cooker making sure none of the food burned, smiling to himself while moving the food onto the plates.

**A.N: Sorry that this is only a small chapter feeling a little stressed and low at the moment and couldn't think what else to write and wanted to post a update chapter. **


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